Clegg was basically fucked if he did and fucked if he didn’t. He was in a perfect storm of fuckery, caught between the perceived high road of aligning with Labour, the Libs more natural ally, which would’ve relegated them from there short but bright tenure as an actual, visible political force, or entering the dark and uncharted abyss of a Lib-Con coalition. I suppose the third way would’ve been not to go with anyone, but I don’t think Clegg wanted to appear to be going against the sentiment that the public had registered after the long grinding down Labour had kindly inflicted on us all.
It is both mildly suspicious and conspicuous the speed by which the coalition was agreed and formed. I reiterate the fact that Clegg knew the Tories would probably get a majority, or near as damn it, and had presumably prepared for this circumstance by bracing his people for what must’ve been a difficult cull of principles, morals, ethics, and not to mention actual policy meat. I almost think Clegg wanted this to happen so the Lib Dems could finally get a finger or two inside the rusty bumhole that is the British Government.
Clegg knew an Obama-Miracle ™ wasn’t going to happen so it all came down to who was going to go where, and how their policies would merge. Uncomfortably and awkwardly, I imagine, like a Tory rhino trying to fuck a Liberal pony that’s got its head stuck in a tree. The best Clegg could have hoped for is pretty much what he got, one or two seats in the Billy Big Nuts tier of government, and some significant, if not entirely desirable, 2nd tier positions. Of course it is notable that Clegg is the Deputy Prime Minister but he was always going to get the best gig out of it.
It’s a wise move, in my opinion. There was a fair amount of wailing and flailing of Militant Feminist Lesbians Bras (MFLsBs) at the Lib Dems abandoning what they stand for but these people are fucking deluded. They were never, ever going to get anywhere if they carried on whinging in the background, hanging around like someone’s Mum at a shit party, trying to make sure no one sticks their dick in the mashed potato, in order for them to move to the front bench, with the media that we have and the perception of all the parties and their leaders, this was the only option.
The hardliners on either side, the MFLsBs and the Landed Gentry, have loudly registered their discontent but they might as well not have bothered because both parties have got the best possible outcome with what the election yielded.
David ‘Cap’n Cunt’ Cameron scored a spectacular own goal by agreeing to the debates with all three leaders on an equal footing. It’s true that the novelty wore off of Clegg after the first debate, and he failed to capitalise on the others shortcomings and they were all dreadfully repetitive, like they were addressing someone’s grandma, or someone with a particularly infectious case of The Idiot, but Cameron could have inadvertently upset the space time continuum by putting the Lib Dems on a trajectory to power. This must be Clegg’s vision and is the only rational explanation for aligning the Libs with the Prince of Darkness, or at least the Prince of Bad Reading Light.
The problem is a united front must be presented to the outside world and any internal conflict will undoubtedly leak faster than Paula Radcliffe on her Sunday jog. Clegg will need all and more of his political craft to gently stand just behind Cameron, off centre, making hand gestures suggesting he’s fucking insane, in order to state that yes we are in a strong coalition but I’m here for the exposure to the public psyche as a statesman, and the curtains. It’s going to be a very difficult game for him to play and I don’t know how he’s going to do it but I’m certain that come what will be termed the ‘first real test of the coalition’, we shall see how he chooses to massage his point of view into the overall government position.
I may or may not bother to have a poke around the half-breed, four arsed monster that is the coalition government’s manifesto, so you know, diarise that.
