I've decided to condense the next couple of questions on the basis of the next debate being on Thursday. I want to focus on more pressing issues in the next post.
Questions
Question 3: Expenses
An inevitable question, given the amount of rage the public has expressed by proxy of the media, who obviously convey the public’s expressions in a reasoned, unbiased manner, without a hint of hyperbole.
Clegg
Doesn't think any politician deserves your trust. I was about to ask David 'Baby eater' Cameron round to look after the kids, thanks for the heads up, Cleggertron. Some MPs rode the expenses system for all she was worth, like a triple cunted hooker when the sailors were docked. But not any Lib Dems, oh no, because they're all closet queers.
Brown
Shocked and sickened by what he saw, that's why they've removed all reflective surfaces from inside Number 10. Attacks Cameron, cozying up to Clegg over reform of the House of Lords, going to shortly get shot down over that one.
Cameron
Not surprised by people talking in pubs, not that's he's ever been in a pub, except for that one at the Conference of the Landed Gentry, but that doesn’t count. Horrendous episode, how terrible, spit spot, what ho, chocks away. Moves into cutting costs of politics, wants to cut quangos. I love quangos, what’s the beef with quangos? You always get a good deal there.
Arguments
Clegg
Hears words, sounds great, I didn’t know he was the horse whisperer, explains why he’s a Lib Dem. Sticks the boot in about Labour and the Tories sitting on their trotters over proposals to reform party funding.
Brown
“We supported it.” A total fabrication.
Clegg
Lays the smacketh down on both of them for blocking party funding reform. Other two are shuffling their feet like they’ve been caught sheep shagging, again.
Brown
Agrees with Nick. Should really say, ‘I wholeheartedly disagree with Nick, and I’m sorry for pretending to do so earlier’. Gaudy, please stop agreeing with Nick, it’s wierding me out. Then attacks Cameron about blocking the removal of hereditary peers from the House of Lords but also agrees with him on cutting the HoL, not by 10%, but by 50%. Looks like Brown cannot decide who he’s trying to piggyback in desperation to stay in power.
Cameron
Reminds Brown that he’s had a long, long time to do something about it. Evades the question, again, not impressed, shithead. Goes on the attack about party funding.
Clegg
Parries Cameron by reiterating the need to remove hereditary peers.
Brown
Really getting his peado hat on, trying to align himself with Clegg over HoL reform.
Clegg
Reminds Brown, again, that he has done nothing for 13 years.
Brown
Says well, now actually I am going to do something.
Cameron
Gosh, wants to stop all this silly nonsense, heavens above, tsk.
Stewart
Asks if everyone’s agreed on wanting to reform the HoL
Brown
Promises to do it next year, he’s just been so busy for the past 13.
Clegg
Dismayed by this. Put something to this effect forward already, Labour voted against it, Conservatives didn’t turn up, no doubt getting their wigs re-woven.
Brown
In favour of it, obviously had a change of mind since 10 million people are watching.
Clegg
Wants some action. This not the place or the time, Nick.
Conclusion
Clegg comes through this one looking like Little Miss Told You So, but given the apparent fury around the subject, it will propel him in some people’s estimations. Browns main problem was the fact that he blocked reform for the HoL and now says that actually he’s 100% behind it, I just can’t believe he’s thinks it’s all OK now he said 15 times he agrees with Clegg, after disagreeing with him when it came to the crunch. Cameron is totally the wrong person to be trying to answer this question, his party was the worst offender in the expenses debacle and is the least progressive with regards to HoL reform, so once again comes hobbling over the line, reeking of failure and pheasant shit.
Questions
Question 4: Education
An absolutely hilarious looking Jew boy, complete with colourful skull cap, glasses, tank top and a titanic case of the ugly, asks what the leaders will do to improve education.
Brown
Wants to continue the alleged trend of improving education, as far I can see it’s gone so far south it’s currently in Swaziland. Nursery education goes from 3 to 18, apparently, that explains a lot. Wants to work with us to do so. Only pending total protonic reversal.
Cameron
Likes Jews, the good little money spinners that they are. Wants to excite people about education, I’m not sure it’s appropriate, Mr Cameron. Thinks it’s a bad thing to send 4000 pages of ‘information’ to schools each year, but schools are effectively information dispensaries for the peasants, so he doesn’t understand what he’s on about. Some of us didn’t go bear hunting during P.E. Now he’s back beefing the quangos again, damn it you fucking axe wound, leave the quangos alone. Proudly states that he has a child at a ‘state’ school, this ‘state’ school being one that only let’s in rich kids of massive tossers that by pure coincidence end up at… Eton Et al.
Gleff, sorry, Clegg
Hoop jumping is the problem with the education system, so you’re all wrong, you bunch of shits, now piss off. Also uses the 4000 pages of information line, that one’s been smoked mate, sorry, your cunt friend got there first. Wants to ban micromanagement, stop employing tiny people then.
Arguments
Brown
Wants every school to be a good school. What he means is, he wants every school to be privatised so he can wade around in money. He states this is his plan, by saying the reason schools are getting better is because he’s let them be ‘taken over’ by ‘federations’ and ‘academies’. He’s trying to polish that turd so hard I see smoke coming out of his arse.
Cameron
Get his Daily Mail safety blanket out, 17,000 teachers being attacked by students a year, although an attack could be throwing peanuts at the teacher, which every man worth his salt should have done at least once. I just don’t believe that’s the case, or if it is, it’s down to some heavy petting of those statistics. A child once produced a knife in school, could it of been when they were making a happy cake? Maybe? Makes some noise about head teachers being overruled by appeals panels. I left my botherment in this here can of give a shit. Got it ‘topsy-turvy’. Who the fuck even says that, you shower of shit?
Clegg
Breaks the rules by asking Jew-boy something. Oh you maverick, you. Need smaller class sizes, a line which every politician in opposition has used since the beginning of time, but they do have a plan, and it’s called the final solution.
Cameron
More quangos, this is getting old, most people don’t know what quango even means and even if they do, it’s like saying you’re going to cut bureaucracy. That’s what government is about, that’s what it does, it’s impossible to have an efficient government because the government is attending the needs of every person in the god damn country. Empty rhetoric. Void, blank, absent, hollow, non-existent. Lays into the department of Children etc, saying how they have a contemplation suite. He’s obviously not met ‘children’ people, you know, the empty headed, happy go lucky fairy cake factories that occupy middle Britain, the Nigella Corps, the Chelsea set, his fucking voters, the arse bag.
Brown
Looks like he was a scrotum and then received a face lift. Would explain the smile. And the demeanour. And the smell. Oh god, the smell. Trying to get on Capt’n Cunt Face Cameron’s case about cutting education spending, and infers the same will happen to the NHS and the police if the Tories get in.
Cameron
Busts out the planned Labour National Insurance rise for next year, like it’s news. Been rumbling on for a while, that one. Once again, doesn’t take the question head on.
Brown
Accuses Cameron of planning to take a billion out of education spending.
Cameron
Not true
Brown
Is
Cameron
Isn’t
Brown
Is
*girly fight ensues*
Clegg
Re-focuses the noise back onto the question in hand, back to empowering teachers and smaller class sizes, but will it happen?
Brown
Wants to privatise the schools, go Brown. Wants the best discipline, go speak to Max Mosley. Tries to manoeuvre the debate back to spending.
Clegg
States that it’s all in the manifesto, Brown can be seen quickly flicking through it, until he realises he’s bought a book with him about Living with Anal Leakage.
Conclusion
Anyone with a few gratings of savvy should have picked up on Cameron’s general evasion on the question of education spending, and that’s about the only thing of note. It was another chance for them to stand out, to draw some battle lines and fire a few pot shots but no one really took control. Clegg had some good points about smaller class sizes and Brown of course has Labour’s record on his side for once, but didn’t fully capitalise on it. Cameron’s Daily Mail-ing was especially galling, Jew-boy asked how they are going to improve education, not are you going to cut spending or tell us the most nightmarish school related story you know, for fucks sake.
Join us tomorrow for the final round, where we’ll be covering the budget deficit, nukes, NHS and ignoring old people, plus a bonus round up, in a super-clunge of a post.
